


A Burger a Day

by Bird_of_Dreams



Series: A Burger A Day [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot, a bit cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 07:19:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/897465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bird_of_Dreams/pseuds/Bird_of_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when America doesn't get to eat his daily burger? The other nations find out the hard way...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Burger a Day

"Alright, at this time we will stop and take a thirty minute break for lunch," Germany announced from his usual spot in the front of the room. "I expect to see you all back in this room at 1:00 sharp! There are still a lot of things to be covered in our agenda so we  _must_  follow the schedule." He smacked his fist emphatically against his notebook to emphasize his point. "Understand?"

By this point, the nations have been cooped up in the meeting room for the last four hours and were understandably restless so only a few gave some halfhearted replies. Germany sighed and muttered a "Why do I even bother..." under his breath. He turned a weary gaze back at the rest of the nations. "Very well, dismissed!"

Everyone immediately released a simultaneous sigh of relief, shuffling important documents and overturning chairs in their haste to make their way out of the room. Already cries of "Ve ve~ Germany, Germany! Let's have some pasta! Pasta!" and "Dammit, you bastard, you better give me those tomatoes you promised me!" erupted throughout the room.

England swept a glance down the tables and resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the chaotic scene.  _"Just another normal day in the UN meeting..."_ he thought dryly. His gaze fell on America, who for some unknown reason, ( _Who knows what goes on in that empty head of his?_ ) was haphazardly throwing his items around.

With a sigh, England strolled over. "Did you lose something again, you forgetful git?"

"Huh? Oh! Hey, Iggy!" America shot a winning smile at the other nation. "What's up?"

"I was asking whether or not you happened to misplace something important again. God knows that this isn't the first time you've done it. Honestly, how many times have I told you not to..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" America raised his hands in the universal 'I surrender' gesture. "Calm down, old man. The hero never loses anything!" England suppressed a snort. "I'm just looking for my lunch 'cuz the hero needs to seriously refill on some hamburgers!" He patted his stomach and laughed ruefully. "Man, I haven't had one since like yesterday lunch!"

At this, England paused to reflect upon America's words for a moment. It's true, though rare as it is, England didn't recall seeing America with his usual hamburger(s) during today's meeting. The British nation was snapped out of his thoughts with America's loud voice. "Damn...I swear I put my lunch somewhere around here!" More items were thrown around.

England neatly stepped to the side to dodge an incoming binder. "Perhaps you left it in the White House kitchen." It wouldn't have been the first time something like that has happened. After all, England could hardly recall how many times the White House staff had to call in because America had left important documents in the kitchen during his daily "burger raids".

"No way I did something like th...oh shit! Dude, I think you're right!" America smacked himself on the forehead. "Aw man, now I have to go out and buy one..." The younger nation grabbed his phone from his suitcase and started fiddling around with it. "Let's see..." England, curious as to what America might resort to doing, craned his head forward for a better look. America hummed to himself as he tapped away at the phone's screen. "Aha! Here we go...the nearest fast food restaurants!"

England groaned. "Oh, for the love of the Queen...are you serious, America?"

"Of course, Iggy! Like I said, I gotta refill on some burgers. ASAP." America chirped as he scanned through the results. "Holy shit."

"What is it now, America?"

"Aw hell no..." America wailed, his face distraught. "Iggy! The nearest burger joint is forty freakin' miles away!  _Forty freakin' miles!_ " He flailed his arms as if to emphasize the distance.

"Yes, yes, I heard you quite clearly the first time around." England sighed again, already feeling the beginnings of a migraine. "But there's really nothing you can do about it at this point."

"No, Igggyyyyy!" The younger nation whined. "You don't understaaaand! I  _have_  to get a burger! And soon!" America whipped his head wildly around. "I-Is there a kitchen or something? So I can make a burger?" England frowned at the slight note of hysteria in the other nation's voice.

"You're overreacting, America. It's much too late to try to make a burger out of scratch and in any case, your addiction to those burgers has got to stop." England pushed America back down onto his chair as the other nation tried to desperately make his way to the kitchen. "Sit down, I say. This has gotten to the point where you cannot seem to function without having at least a burger per day. You have to control yourself." He continued with a frown. "Besides, you're acting as if this were a matter of life and death."

America began to mumble almost incoherently to himself. "You don't understand. I have to eat a burger...or else...or else..."

"Now now, lad, this is all for your own good. Those greasy monstrosities of yours will be the end of you one day, I'm sure of it..." England trailed off when he saw America shaking. The older nation's brows furrowed with worry as the beginnings of a slight trepidation began to wash over him. He placed a hand on America's shoulder. "A-America? Are you quite alright? I know this must be hard for you in the beginning, but think about..." America suddenly slumped down in his seat, unmoving. England immediately began to panic. "America? A-Alfred, you twit, can you hear me?"

By this time, most of the other nations were shuffling back inside the room as lunch was to end in five minutes. England looked wildly around to his fellow nations, hoping to find someone to help America with his situation. But just as suddenly as America fell unconscious, he unexpectedly straightened up on his own.

England let out a sigh of relief and immediately began to berate America for worrying him. "You gave me quite a scare, I'll have you know. I really hope that this isn't your sick idea of a joke because I..." England's senses, sharpened by his awareness of supernatural creatures, slowly realized that something was amiss. Up until now, America had been staring into space, his gaze blank and unfocused. England knelt down until he was at face level with America and hesitantly waved his hand in front of his face. "A-America?"

America blinked once as he seemed to take in his surroundings for a moment. His eyes suddenly narrowed and England was shocked to see that America's usually bright eyes had transformed into cold, unfeeling depths of blue. America tilted his head slightly to one side as his lips twitched up into a cruel smirk. An eerie chuckle that made England's skin crawl suddenly reverberated throughout the meeting room. The noise level in the room immediately faded to an uneasy silence as the other nations stared nervously at the source of the laughter. Only then did England belatedly realize that America was the one who emitted the chuckle. He whirled around to face the younger nation and was shocked to see sadistic amusement dancing across his eyes.

"Well look what has finally happened..." America drawled slowly.

After a few moments of shocked silence, England finally gathered his wits about him and braved a question. "Who  _are_  you?"

Shivers made their way down England's spine as America let out another sinister chuckle. "Whatever do you mean, my dear England?" He purred, amused. "Why, I'm the United States of America, of course."

England was inwardly shaking at the dangerous aura that permeated and wrapped itself around America, but he forced himself to meet America in the eyes. "Lies! The America I know is nothing like you!"

America merely cocked his head curiously to one side. "Oh?" He tasted the word, as if contemplating something. Without warning, America suddenly grabbed England by his collar and effortlessly lifted him up with one hand. As England clutched at his captor's arm and flailed his legs in futile—he realized only then, with a shudder, of the full frightening extent of America's strength.

A few of the other nations, who were up until now stupefied by America's abnormal behavior, made their way forward as if to help England, but a well placed glare from America kept them frozen in their spots. America leaned closer to England who was still attempting to break free of his grasp and hissed. "Well the America you know isn't here right now." He sneered as he delivered his final words. "And it's all. Your. Fault."

England's eyes widened and he barely had any time to respond before America threw him unceremoniously to the ground.

The shocked silence that had settled throughout the room was interrupted when the double doors of the meeting room were suddenly slammed opened, signaling the late arrival of the Italy brothers, both of whom were clutching bags of take-out in their hands.

"Dammit! I told you we were going to be late,  _idiota_!" Romano started angrily as he strode into the room, oblivious to the room's tense atmosphere. "Why the hell did you have to take such a long time to choose your damn pasta!"

Italy trailed behind, attempting to pacify his brother. "Waah, don't be mad,  _fratello_! There was just so many different kinds of pasta, I didn't know which to pick! But at least you got those tomatoes you wanted~" Ignoring his brother's annoyed 'Tch', Italy caught sight of a familiar nation and immediately ran over. "Ve~ Germany, Germany, I missed you during lunch! Did you miss me?"

Germany discreetly shook his head at the other nation, attempting to silently signal for him to be quiet. However, Italy, with his less than superior ability in reading the atmosphere, completely failed to understand. "Why are you making that strange twitching motion, Germany?" Italy asked cheerfully. "Ve, is it a new game? I want to play too!" Germany suppressed the urge to groan out loud.

Still oblivious to the current situation, Italy went over to grab Romano by the arm. "Lovi, Lovi~ Germany's got a new game. Won't you play with me?"

"Like hell I would play any game by the potato bastard!" Romano snarled angrily. Italy immediately teared up and began to cry up a storm. Amidst Italy's loud cries and Romano's continuous swears ("Dammit stop crying already, you bastard! I said stop!"), Germany threw an apprehensive glance at America, who had remained ominously silent throughout the entire exchange. Germany knew that the other nation might snap at any moment and he decided to warn Italy before anything disastrous may befall him.

As Germany put a restraining hand on Italy's shoulder, a flying projectile suddenly whistled past the heads of the two Italy brothers and impaled itself upon the wall behind him. Complete silence immediately filled the room once more.

Horrified, Germany looked from the pen that was stuck on the wall, still vibrating from the force of the throw, back to America, who was casually twirling another pen between his fingers. "Oh, don't mind me. Please continue with what you were doing." America said in a seemingly innocent tone. He cocked his head to the side. "It's just...I can't guarantee that my next throw will miss again." His cold blue eyes flashed with sadistic amusement. "If you understand what I mean."

Angry words that threatened to jump out of his mouth out fizzled out, dead, when Germany met America's eyes. They were cold, unfeeling abysses of blue and Germany saw no trace of mercy in them. Suppressing a shiver, he glanced over at Spain who had stayed uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole ordeal. The other nation threw him an imperceptible shake of his head as he crushed Romano to his chest, attempting to silently comfort him. Germany sighed as patted the distressed Italy on the head.

"Ah, I see that you are finally showing your true colors, da?" All the nations immediately turned on the idiotic nation who dared stand up to the current America. A smiling Russia was seen making his way over to America.

"Russia, my good comrade! I hope you have been well?" America's outwardly kind words were belied by his simpering sneer.

"Well enough, comrade." Russia replied with a frosty smile of his own. "I see you have been hard at work bullying some of my other comrades?"

"And is there something you want to say about it?" America answered without missing a beat. Both superpowers proceeded to stare at each other, unblinking. The mental battle of dominance was so tense that it began to leave a heavy, almost tangible sensation throughout the room.

Russia was the first to look away, averting his eyes to a random spot on the ground.

"I seem to have been mistaken." Russia finally said. He smiled wryly as a calculating look entered his eyes. "How interesting it was to be able to see  _this_  side of you again,  _Amerika_." Without another word, Russia exited the room with a swish of his scarf.

The other nations looked fearfully to one another. If not even Russia—big, scary Russia who could make nations quake in their shoes with a single smile—could stand up to this America, what were they to do now? America chuckled. "Well, that was entertaining. Now what to do next? Ah, I know...it seems that in my earlier excitement, I've completely neglected to eat lunch." America suddenly strolled over to England, grabbing his chin and forcing him to meet him in the eyes. "England, dearest." He purred silkily. "Do be a dear and grab some other nations to help you make me a lunch, why don't you?" England tried not to wince as America tightened his hold. "And I know that you have no intention of going against my wishes, am I correct?"

Wordlessly, England shook his head.

America chuckled. "Excellent. I always knew that you were intelligent. Now, off you go." He gave the other nation a careless shove towards the exit. England stumbled slightly before catching himself again. He threw a quick, hesitant sweep across the meeting room but none of the other nations dared to meet his eyes. Finally locking eyes with France, China, Japan, and Germany, he gestured to them with a silent nudge of his head, hoping that they would understand his silent message.  _We need to talk._

Their eyes hardened slightly and they too gave a small nod in response. Before England and his newly enlisted companions could take but a few steps, America's voice stopped them.

"Oh, and England?" Said nation turned around apprehensively. "I hope the meal is more than satisfactory," America's eyes hardened. "For your sake, of course."

England somehow managed a stiff nod before he and the other four nations all but fled into the kitchen. Behind the safety of the kitchen doors, the five nations slumped against the walls and breathed out a sigh of relief.

" _Mon dieu_ , what in the world are we going to do about this?" France asked with a shake of his head.

"America is out of control. I've never seen him like this before." Germany added, frowning.

"Aiyah, it's as if he's possessed or something, aru." China said.

"I had no idea that America-san was secretly a yandere..." Japan said quietly. Silence gradually descended upon the kitchen as each nation fell to their respective brooding thoughts. What exactly could be done about the current situation?

"England, what did you do?" A quiet voice broke the thick silence. Startled, the nations looked around, attempting to locate the source of the noise.

A resigned sigh and a quiet "I'm over here" followed.

France was the first to locate the newcomer " _Matthieu_!" He exclaimed. "Since when did you get here?"

"I actually followed you in here." Canada replied dryly. "But as usual, no one noticed."

"Ah,  _excusez-moi,_   _Matthieu_." France said, an apologetic tone coloring his words. "As you can see, we're all been a bit..." He gestured, "...preoccupied."

"Understandable, given the current state of things. But England, what did you do?" Canada repeated.

"And what exactly are you trying to imply, Canada?" England huffed silkily.

"You were the one who was with Alfred during lunch, weren't you?" Canada pressed, a far cry from his usual passive-aggressive self. "What happened before Alfred went all psycho on us?"

England sighed deeply before proceeding to recount the earlier events. "Your brother seemed to have forgotten his lunch today, not that that was surprising in any way. He then attempted to search up the nearest fast food restaurant so that he could buy one of those greasy monstrosities he eats every day, but I stopped him. What?" England protested when he suddenly felt Canada giving him a disapproving look. "It's obviously unhealthy for America to eat like how he usually does—I was only doing the right thing!"

"Well,  _Angleterre_ , what happened next?" France prompted impatiently.

"Shut up, frog, I was getting there!" England retorted. He cleared his throat. "As I was saying, I stopped America from getting a hamburger and then he proceeded to act strangely, complete with shakes and passing out on his seat. And when he woke up he was, well, the America we currently see."

"Freaking maple." Canada muttered, shocking everyone with his uncharacteristic cursing. "Just freakin'  _fantastic_. I can't believe you did that, England."

"Now wait just a moment." England objected. "How in the world is this my fault?"

Canada threw him a derisive look. It seemed like whatever switch that had activated this more outspoken and blunt Canada wasn't about to be shut off anytime soon. "Alfred did say that he didn't eat a burger since yesterday, right?" At England's nod, Canada sighed deeply. "Shit. I was really hoping that this didn't happen." Seeing England's confused look, Canada announced sharply. "You have awoken Alfred's other side."

"America-san's other side?" Japan repeated, appalled.

Germany frowned in thought. "Other side as in multiple personalities?"

"Something like that. Look, have you ever seen Alfred when he doesn't eat his daily burger?" The other nations thought for a moment before slowly shaking their heads. After all, a typical America was always seen with a burger (or several) glued to his hand.

"No, right?" Canada snorted dryly. "There's a reason why we try to keep him happily supplied with burgers. Whenever America fails to eat at least one burger a day, he turns into _that_." Canada jabbed sharply at the direction of the meeting room.

"Absolutely preposterous." England immediately declared.

" _Matthieu_ ,  _mon cher,_  perhaps you might be mistaken in..."

"Do I look like I'm joking?" Canada interrupted sharply. He exhaled noisily."Fine, let's do it this way instead. Do you know when was the last time Alfred neglected to eat his daily burger?" England opened his mouth, possibly to retort, but Canada continued without missing a beat. "It was in 1945."

China was to first to realize what that meant. "No way, aru."

Japan was quick to follow. "Canada-san, you don't mean..."

"Oh yes. The last time Alfred went without his burger, he went and started the Cold War with Russia.*" Canada's words were met with a stunned silence.

"That's...impossible." England finally managed, though he sounded uncertain. "I've never known about this condition of his and I've been taking care of America for well over a century**! And how did you find out anyways?" He demanded.

"Believe me, England, it wasn't something that I voluntary wanted to find out." Canada replied in a dry tone. "By the time Russia finally figured out what had happened, he deeply regretted taking Alfred's burger, but the damage was already done. As for me...let's just say that the Burning of York*** isn't something I would like to experience again." He said, clutching a hand to his chest.

"America was already like that back then?" England said in a pained voice.

"My poor, poor  _Matthieu_." France cooed sympathetically.

"Yes, yes, now that we know  _why_  this is happening, can we start discussing  _how_  we're going to solve this already?" Germany cut in impatiently.

"Germany-san has a point." Japan conceded.

"Ah, it's actually a very simple solution." Canada said. "All you have to do is feed Alfred a burger and he'll be back to normal." The other nations blinked.

" _C'est tout?_ " (That's it?)

"Seriously?"

"Something so simple, aru?"

"I say that it's a simple solution, but the act of carrying it out is far from being simple." Canada sighed tiredly. "You see, this side of Alfred is most unwilling to 'go back'."

"Surely the five of us is enough to at least hold him down." Germany protested.

"We'll just have to give that a try." England said determinedly. "Now the question is, how will we get America the burger?"

"He did say he wanted us to make him lunch, aru." China pointed out delicately.

England was reluctant to admit this obvious slip and plowed through without batting an eyelash. "...Right you are. Then what are we still standing here dilly-dallying for? Let's get to it already!"

"Of course, for everyone's sake, why don't you sit out while we make the burger,  _Angleterre_?" France paused in mid-thought. "Of course, we can just feed  _Amérique_  some of that toxic waste you call food, knock him out, and be done with it,  _non_?"

"Why don't you just shut up and get to work already, frog."

"It took quite a while for you to make something as simple as a lunch, England." America commented casually as the five tired nations walked back into the room, pushing a small cart with a covered platter. "You didn't happen to stumble upon any complications now, did you?"

"None that would concern you." England replied with gritted teeth.

"Well, I'm so glad to hear that then." America said with a mocking tone. "Then, as I said before, I hope this lunch is more than satisfactory." He strolled over to the cart and uncovered the dish with a flourish. "And what is this?" America stared impassively at the single burger that laid on the plate. There was a pregnant pause. "What do you think you're trying to pull?" The mocking playful tone of earlier was gone from America's voice, leaving a chilling one in its place.

America's eyes narrowed into cruel blue slits and his entire demeanor seemed to darken. He scoffed disgustedly at the burger. "You disappoint me, England. I do hope you're ready to..."

"Now!" At England's command, Germany, France, China, Japan, and Canada pounced onto the unsuspecting America all at once and pinned him firmly onto the ground.

"Do all of you really think you could take me?" America hissed, thrashing all the while. The pained grunts from the other nations showed the great difficulty they had in restraining America, even when he was outnumbered five to one.

"Hurry up,  _Angleterre!_ " France yelled, narrowly missing a fist to his face.

America looked up to see England walking toward him, burger clutched firmly in one hand. At the sight of the burger, America struggled even harder, but the other nations kept their hold firm. England knelt beside America, ignoring the baleful glare that was directed at him. "Come back to me, Alfred." England said before shoving the entire burger to America's mouth.

As soon as the burger touched his lips, America ceased his struggles and seemed to fall unconscious. The other nations collapsed in a tired heap beside him and waited with baited breath.

A moment later, America emitted a light groan and blinked blearily. He rose unsteadily to a sitting position and raised a hand to his head.

"Alfred?" England asked hesitatingly.

"Iggy?" America said groggily. He blinked a couple times more before seeming to recollect his surroundings. "Iggy!" America repeated, beaming widely. "What's up?"

There was a simultaneous sigh of relief from all of the surrounding nations.

"I can't believe you're finally back, you daft idiot." England said, trying to hide his emotions with a gruff voice.

"Back from what, Iggy?" America cocked his head to one side, looking adorably confused. "And hey, where'd this burger come from?" He blinked again. "Dude, why's everyone on the ground? We playing a game or something?"

Japan had a small smile on his face. "I guess you can say that, America-san."

But before America had the chance to ask any more questions, France suddenly broke in. " _Amérique!_  I will buy you a hamburger tomorrow,  _oui_?" His words broke open a floodgate and soon all the nations started speaking at once.

"Y-You like pickles on your hamburgers, right? And onions and extra cheese?"

"I hope Asian-style burgers suit your taste, aru!"

"Ve~ doesn't pasta in a burger sound delicious?"

"I'm quite sure that we can make it so that a hamburger cart is available at every meeting from here on out."

America still looked confused by the sudden offers of food, but took everything in stride. As the other nations dissolved into their senseless chattering, America let out a secret smirk, unseen by the others. "After this little event, the other nations are never going to deny me my burgers ever again..."

**Author's Note:**

> So is America actually an evil genius or was it all influenced by the lack of burgers? Your guess is as good as mine.
> 
> Historical notes:  
> *The Cold War began right around the time when WWII ended, from 1945 to 1991.
> 
> **The British controlled the American colonies from 1607 (when they first stepped foot on Jamestown) until the colonists declared their independence in 1776. That makes for approximately 169 years.
> 
> ***This refers to the Battle of York on April 27, 1813. York was the capital of British Canada at the time. During the Battle of York, the Americans marched through the town and set fire to it. Seeing as a nation's capital is represented by their heart, you can imagine how that went for poor Canada. And yes, I'm aware that hamburgers were not invented back then, but for the sake of the story, let's not question the anachronism...
> 
> Hopefully those notes were (mainly) accurate. (hides)


End file.
